Friday, July 22, 2011

Honest Blogging

It's so nice to look at all the blogs across blogland that I read and see the "perfect families" with "angelic children" but if we can be honest with ourselves.... that isn't honest blogging. No man is perfect and all children misbehave at times. If we never made mistakes we would never have anything left to learn.


Lately, I have really noticed my imperfections as a parent. Early pregnany hormones have me sent to the couch most days feeling sick and tired. Boy, am I sick of being sick and tired. I remind myself of the days ahead where I will feel normal and joyful. But, I am a girl and feel sorry for myself most days. When really I should feel sorry for my hubs for dealing with my "girly moods". We stack up books on the couch and I go through the motions.

I look back to a year ago when we decided to go off of birth control. At this point in time I truely felt like I was a baby making factory. With both of our girls we were pregnant within 2 mo of stopping the meds. After 5-6 months I started to doubt myself.... then Valentines day 2011 we found out we were expecting!! What an amazing gift to give my hubs. We were very excited. But, excitement was short lived. Within 9 days of finding out we were expecting we were faced with a week of bleeding and lots of lab work. Then what I thought would NEVER happen to me, happened.

I have had so many friends facing infertility and miscarriages. Its ugly and you never think you will be able to handle it. But, God is good. Always. I will always carry that baby within me. I will always tear up thinking of the heartache, but I am stronger because of it. I may not understand why some woman have these problems, but I am not angry with God for it. Beautiful children get loving homes through adoption and foster homes. And miracles happen when we least expect it.

We feel so blessed to be pregnant again. I don't expect this child to come out speaking in sentences, sleeping through the night, and never cry. Because life is messy and wonderful at the same time. Always expect me to be honest on here. Because I want to look back at the heartaches and happiness with the same amount of reverence.

7 comments:

Beth said...

xoxoxoxoxo
because i don't know what to say...

you are a strong mama and while i wish that you didn't have to go through what you have gone through to get to where you are, i am proud of you for making it. and i wish you well on your new journey.

honest blogging is always appreciated. i think people probably read my blog and wish i could just keep some things to myself. or they wonder why i am somehow always crying when my life is so boring! but i blog for myself more than anyone else, so i guess if it was that bad, they could always stop reading. your blog on the other hand, is always interesting and real and i hope you'll keep it up forever. your kids will love to read it someday!

Erica said...

Thanks so much for writing this! You are such an amazing woman and it is so nice to hear honest blogging. I am so sorry to hear what you have went thru, Going on 4 years of infertility I am so sad with the loss of never getting pregnant I couldn't imagine having a misscarriage. I am so glad you are pregnant again and I really look up to you as a person and mommy. I can't wait to follow along more in the journey of your wonderful family.

B.W. said...

I'm so sorry for your loss... I can't fathom how hard that must have been.

Tera said...

Well said, sister! I feel your hurt and I hope it gets a little easier for you as time goes on. For me, it helped that I was pregnant with Brynna when my sweet baby #2 was due. Not that I forgot about that baby, but I also knew God had different plans for our family...perfect plans. God continues to mold us, and I'm so thankful He doesn't give up on us! ((hugs)) and praying for a sticky baby for you!

Jen said...

reading your post (and the comments) made me cry! Love you...and all women...we go through some tough stuff sometimes, however different it may be...

Chelsa said...

love you!

haha, i feel like i'm too honest sometimes! ppl probably wish i'd be a little more positive at times, but my blog is where i get some emotion out... plus like you, i want to remember what life is REALLY like, not just the good times!

Ashley said...

I like your honest blogging! This is real life and real situations that we go through.

I know a few months ago it was really hard for you but God did form a miracle and knew this was the perfect time for you. Even if your preggo hormones are taking control hang in there:) I know you couldn't be more happier! Thanks for this post!