The sickies

Man I hate when my kids are sick. Even more when I try to do all I can as a mom to protect them. Should I have not taken my girls out for trick or treating? Started vitamin C? Can a toddler take vitamin C? Why don't I know the answer? Oh, I guess its not worth looking back. Let's press forward.

But, I still hate when they don't feel good. Pittiful.

I am typing this at 9am. Just 3 hrs after returning from the Emergency Room with Ayla. Ayla has had a yucky cough for a couple days. She was swabbed for flu which was negative. She seemed to get worse yesterday. By evening I called my MD personally. We decided to treat her symptoms as if a bit of pneumonia. Which I was comfortable with. One dose of antibx later and off to bed. I spoke with my friend about her symptoms and we thought 'what if'.... what if the swab was wrong? what if her symptoms get worse? what is worse? She reminded me of the few people in Indiana that have recently lost their lives to this awful virus going around. I couldn't get it out of my mind. What IF?

When I stop for a minute and calm the million things floating through my head, I know I do not have control over the outcome. Then I should be comforted by that fact right? No, I am a worrying. I wish I wasn't. As I have gotten older, and I hope wiser, I know how to quiet my fears. But they don't go away.

I checked on Ayla frequently. She was restless and sounded awful. Her airway was so tight. By 2:30am I brought her into our bed to have Jeff listen to her to see if I was over reacting. Her temp 102.6. I held my breath, exhaled and said "Im taking her to the ER". Phew. I scooped her up and headed out. Once I got her awake her breathing wasn't as severe and I started to doubt myself. Regardless, we were there from 3-6-- was treated for croup, epi neb and steriod.

Im tired.